currently: feeling super vulnerable and gross
in 9th grade we went into the Prada store and it was 4 kids Isabelle, Josh, Ellis, and I and they asked us to leave and I looked extremely shabby like I was wearing one of my moms sweaters from ages ago that looked shabby and some sneakers and we all looked a lil pathetic. the thing is that we all came from families with money so it’s not like we couldn’t afford to shop there, it’s just that my mom and Josh’s mom weren’t there and we looked like little kids who didn’t belong and shouldn’t be left unattended in an upper scale store.
like it was at that point that I realized that I do dress on the relatively shabby side. I never dress up and out which I should change, but I don’t. I don’t shop too often nowadays I’ve been shopping twice since the school year began, and I’ve been trying to expand upon things I already own for a while now, but recently I haven’t felt like wearing anything but the easiest of outfits.
this probably makes me sound half crazy. why should I let a city of people I don’t know make me feel so inadequate? well, I shouldn’t, but I do. it gets to me. I don’t look like I belong in a high class world. I don’t know why it’s so important to me. my dad always stressed that it honestly wasn’t important to wear your money, my mom did the same, yet she would buy an Armani pantsuit for special events. I was raised on values that contradicted each other, and it’s left me wondering how I should carry myself. my parent figure now, aunt Rachelle, is not big on wearing the designer. she’s not big on being ostentatious, and to be honest, I don’t want to wear a Chanel logo all over my body. I don’t need people to know the origins of my bag and outfit, but I have a desire for people to know that I’m important. I want people to know that given the proper funds to shop freely, and given the time to get my body to the perfect place, I could dress impeccably.
I don’t think I can presently understand my fascination with that, but I have to accept it for what it is.
part of me legit hates traveling to places like NYC because i feel so pathetic i dress horribly and im not particularly pretty and i look so weird.
i am feeling very kinda sad
So we looked at your resume. Really good stuff, we would love to have you work for our company. On the other hand, we found your blog, and looked through your tagged/jadensmithshardcock…kinda weird?
don’t let any life changingly bad things happen to you because it will 110% screw with your sleep!!’